Fears In The Ocean by Lukas Kamrath
Every time I step in the ocean the same thought flashes through my mind and, like a bird in a cage, I can’t escape it. It’s a nagging fear which runs throughout my body. Ideas and scenarios fill my head and torment me to the point that I sometimes don’t even want to step into the beckoning waters. Regrettably the pestering thoughts in my mind seem to be at odds with the ocean that I love. I try to push them to the background but even when I’m able to quiet them, they still whisper.
On our fourth day in Moorea, French Polynesia, we woke up early, packed a bag of snorkeling gear and headed off to a local jet ski tour company. This was my idea of fun. The bright and powerful sun had just risen and the intense rays immediately heated my body as I stepped out of the car. After detailed instructions on how to ride the jet skis, we were off and flying with our guide in the lead. These weren’t ordinary jet skis. They cruised at speeds up to 100 kilometers per hour. When my mom, who was driving, throttled the gas, my body rushed with adrenaline. The jet ski tour itself was three hours and in addition to cruising at 60 miles per hour, seeing dolphins and unique fish, admiring the beautiful countryside and snorkeling, most importantly, we were about to confront two of my biggest fears.
As the jet skis gradually slowed, I noticed a group of people wading in the water. When we pulled up to the spot, knowing what was coming next, a part of me wanted to overcome my fear and the other wanted nothing to do with it. We came to this spot for the sole purpose of swimming with sharks and gigantic stingrays, with bodies bigger than mine. The stingrays were over five feet in width and diameter with tails doubling their length. Could our guide be serious? Did he really expect me to get in the water with them?
Our guide jumped from his jet ski and from a distance around 15 sting rays and 30 sharks started swimming directly for him. The stingrays rubbed right up against his body and he even kissed them. I started to think maybe the stingrays and sharks weren’t as dangerous as my mind had been telling me all these years. Their interactions were sweet, like old friends reuniting. Seeing that I was scared, he came over to me and the stingrays followed. I was still safely on the jet ski but becoming more intrigued at the idea of entering the water. Several stingrays came right up to the side of my jet ski, giving me the chance to reach down and touch their smooth and silky skin.
I hesitantly lowered myself into the water pushing the thoughts of fear, potential pain and Steve Irwin, the famous Aussie “Crocodile” man, and his untimely death-by-stingray out of my mind. My shivering body began to gradually relax as my hands reached out to touch the stingrays once again. As they circled around me, occasionally coming closer and rubbing up against me to greet me, it began to become clear that my entire life I had been scared of something harmless and beautiful. As the negative thoughts in my mind drifted away, I felt a new sense of calm and joy. I began to feel love for these elegant creatures. I started swimming towards them, instead of away. I felt happy when I saw them, not scared. I was so excited that I no longer had to deal with the incessant fear; I had overcome something that had taunted me since I was a kid. At one point, when I was feeding the stingrays, I sat down in a shallow spot and one of them came up onto my lap and on top of my stomach and ate the food right out of my hand. I was having the time of my life.
But, there were still the sharks … Wanting to conquer this fear as well, I separated myself from the group, put on my mask and snorkel and began to observe them. They would swim directly at me, and just when my mind was questioning whether they were coming to bite my head off, they would swim past, not interested in bothering me at all. They just seemed curious, a bit indifferent, but certainly not with the intention of harming me or any other human. They weren’t friendly like the stingrays, but they also weren’t aggressive or malicious like they are often made out to be. I’m still not planning to seek out a swim with Great Whites but the fear of this species will no longer cause me to hesitate from enjoying all the ocean has to offer.
This experience has had a big impact on me and my life. I’ve learned not to fear what I don’t know. Now every time I go into the precious ocean which I love, I will no longer have that anxious chatter in my head and can instead focus on the present moment, enjoy myself to the fullest and hopefully run into a few of my newfound friends. Once you recognize a fear, it’s best to face it head on. Don’t wait. I also suggest finding someone who knows and understands the thing you fear so that their knowledge and familiarity can help guide you beyond. Your fears are likely not as real as you might believe.
